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Wednesday: Michael Hodge


Teacher Appreciation Week Cancelled After Staff Mutiny

the staff of Holy Name formed the United Faculty Front (UFF) and declared war on the administration. At 7:42 AM, General Mr. Ehrbar...

Cafeteria Introduces Mystery Meat “Level 5” Now Legally Considered Sentient

The meat occasionally blinks, hums when poked, and once growled at a freshman. Students are advised to...

BRINGING BACK SMOKING

To combat vaping in the school, starting next week we will be allowing all seniors to smoke in the hallways.

GPA Below 2.0? Students Now Eligible for the Holy Name Hunger Games

Fight to the death for extra credit, may the odds be ever in your favor ;)

Locker Fees Now Mandatory—Pay in Blood or Monthly Installments

Starting next week, all students will be required to pay a mandatory locker fee. The options: blood sacrifice...

Vice Principal's Message

“We believe every student should suffer just enough to appreciate weekends. Thank you for choosing us.” - Mr. Michael Sullivan