How to get into Holy Name

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To earn your place within these hallowed, slightly cursed halls, all applicants must complete the following rites and rituals:

1. Submit Academic Transcript & Blood Sample (goat’s blood acceptable in emergencies)
2. Recite the Alma Mater Backwards while standing in a chalk circle under a crescent moon
3. Offer a Small Animal Sacrifice (chicken, possum, or family hamster preferred) on the ceremonial stone behind the science wing
4. Spend 72 Hours in the Boiler Room Labyrinth, being hunted by Dave the Wave
5. Face the Unseen Interviewer, whose presence is only felt through cold whispers and the sudden loss of hope
6. Surrender a Tooth and a Secret to the admissions wraith
7. Sign the Eternal Enrollment Pact in Ink, Blood, or Shadow Essence