Cafeteria Introduces Mystery Meat “Level 5” Now Legally Considered Sentient

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After years of culinary experimentation, Holy Name’s cafeteria has unveiled its boldest entrée yet: Mystery Meat Level 5. According to staff, it's so advanced in texture, flavor, and vague twitching that it’s now technically alive under state law. The meat occasionally blinks, hums when poked, and once growled at a freshman. Students are advised to chew quickly, avoid eye contact, and never, ever ask where it came from.